See You in Heaven

Dear Dad,
I will never forget the day that I got the phone call. This New Year's will mark the fifth anniversary of your death. I have a hard time writing that because it sounds so concrete. It's hard to imagine that it has been five years, and at the same time I feel like I haven't seen you in so long.

I decided to start blogging letters to you because blogging is the new thing these days. And, I don't mind that people might read my letters to you. I'd love to share you with the world. You often here people say "there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about you" after someone passes. As cliche as it sounds, it is so true with you.

The other day, one of my students saw the picture of you on my whiteboard and said, "Miss Nelson, I love your dad." I thought he might have been talking about Rick because there is a family picture of us together so I thought that was who he was referring to you. I said, "Yea, he's pretty nice." And my student says, "No" and points to your small picture. I wasn't sure how he knew that was you, but then I remembered something that happened in the spring.

Back in April one of his older brothers tragically died of hypothermia. When I went to visit the body and pay my respects at their house I asked the little boy in Cup'ik how he was doing. He said he was good, but then I asked him if he was sure. He said, "[name] went to be with Jesus." My heart just melted. I told him, "You know, my dad died a few years ago. Maybe they are having a party together in Heaven." He looked up with that precious little face and smiled at me. He really liked that thought. And so, when he saw your photo on the board, I think he wonders if you and his brother are hanging out. My heart swells just thinking again about that moment.

Today, I noticed that your picture frame in my bedroom broke. The pictures are all in tact, but I will need to get a new frame. Or maybe it is time to put your pics in an album. Maybe that's it. Sigh. I brought some old pics with me to Chevak this year and have them in an album on my coffee table. I was looking through them this evening and came across the last photo that I took of you before you passed away- just a few weeks prior. You look so at peace, but also so at peace with passing. That probably sounds weird to others, but in some ways I think you knew how sick you were getting. I am so glad you came to church to watch me in the Christmas pageant that night. It meant a lot to me, even though I knew it was a little much for you to be out and around so many people. Thanks, Dad. I will treasure that picture forever.

My heart feels sad to write, but it also feels good. I've been meaning to write to you. I miss you. I wonder how much you know about me now. I can't remember if you knew that I was going to be a teacher, but then I think that you probably ALWAYS knew that I was going to be a teacher- even when I wasn't sure. I also know you would love living out here in Chevak. The serenity can be so surreal. Maybe you are here in spirit though...

Henry looks a lot like you. Or maybe I just like the thought of that. In any case, he sure is a special little boy. I am sad that you didn't get to meet him, but I know that Tina will raise him with a special love and kindness that you and the rest of our family taught us. And every time I hug him I will make sure I think of you.

I need to get to bed so that I have energy for my kiddos tomorrow, but I just wanted to tell you that I love you and I miss you. I promise to write again soon. As we used to always end our letters, "If I don't see you here on Earth, then I will see in Heaven."

Luv, Little Little

July 2004. RIP David H. Nelson