Forever Young. Happy Birthday, Dad.

Happy birthday, Dad! Today I felt weird, out of sorts, somber, and was just in a funk. I miss you every day and wish you were here. It has been nice to talk about you a lot lately... kinda makes me happy because I like to keep your memory alive, but also kinda makes me sad because it makes me miss you. Can't believe you would have been the big 5-0 today! Well, you are forever young. Thanks for giving me life, Dad.

Luv,
Little Little

I Loved You Because You First Loved Me

Dear Dad,

Well, it has been six years. Whew. Sometimes it seems like just yesterday and sometimes it seems like forever ago. I had a really good cry for you the other night. I know that I am a very strong person, but there are moments when I feel weak and you are the one person I wish I could visit with. That seems to be the most difficult for me.

Not too many new things happened for me this year. I have a wonderful group of kiddos and my grad classes are pretty smooth... just a couple more to go and this time next year I should be looking at a graduation in the near future ;)

Henry is getting big... he is so darn sweet and smart. I love teaching him new things. Funny thing is... I teach him words in Cup'ik even though that's not his heritage! lol He is pretty good at it, which always makes me smile big. He was given a new cousin in December... Nola Marie. It is going to be fun to see what she grows up to look like and become. I absolutely love being an auntie, though it is different with her being so far away. Henry is like my little buddy since I have been able to have lots of special memories with him since he was first born. I wonder how many more kids the girls will have...

Well, this was my first New Year's Eve in Chevak and it was actually really, really nice. I have some good friends out here and we put on a lil' firework show, had snacks, danced, and played games. You can't beat good company, food, and music ;) It was a good time and it made missing you less intense on the anniversary. My aide, Priscilla-- her dad passed away on New Year's a few years ago so I told her that you guys were smiling down on us. There's got to be some truth in that.

As you watch over me... I ask this of you... help me choose good men in my life. Whoever they are. I have so much love to give, yet I have given it to the wrong people over the years. Give me reminders that I am a princess, a daughter of a king :) My brain knows this, but I think I am gonna need your help. So, Dad, that is your job while you are watching over me. Help me protect my heart and be faithful and mindful. I know he's out there...

Here are the lyrics to the song that was playing that Sunday at church... it made me bawl. Suzy was kind enough to play it for us at your funeral. I love you, Dad. Miss you always.


"How can I show you that I love you? Words can't express just how I feel. I love you because you first loved me. Your love has set me free. I can love because you first loved me. I can love because you first loved me..."

Luv,
Little Little

"Grandpa Nelson" : Haida Lineage

Dear Dad,

I just got an email from Lisa. She is missing you a lot right now. Sometimes, when we miss you madly, we have so many questions that we want to ask. But, we always wonder if we really even care to hear the answers. There are so many unknowns. We miss you. In the Cup'ik culture, we are always teaching the children to honor their elders and listen to what they are taught and told... sometimes I wish terribly that I knew more about our Haida heritage. I remember meeting your dad (aka "Grandpa Nelson") on one distinct occasion. We were in Anchorage visiting you at the Days Inn and he was there to visit for a short while, too. I remember him being tall, and having the stature of a bold, Haida. But, Dad, I don't know much else. We talked to him on the phone and exchanged a few emails after you passed away. That's it. It made me really sad that he didn't go to your funeral. It makes me sad that we don't know him. I was in Juneau last fall and desperately wanted to meet with him for lunch or coffee, but wasn't able to get contact info on him. Maybe it's best? You had so much love for all of those in your life-- I know you loved your dad. And, I know you missed him. A couple of my former students just lost parents over the weekend... my heart goes out to them. Their lives are forever changed. Give me words, and help me be a light for those who have lost parents at a young age. It is never easy, and it changes you. I love you more than words can say and promise you that I am going to continue to learn. Thinking of you, Dad.

Luv,
Little Little

Amazing Grace

I know you'd enjoy this, Dad.
Luv,
Little Little

One Sweet Day

"Nothing Gold Can Stay"

This is a Robert Frost poem that we used on our Dad's funeral program and I just came across it again for the first time since the funeral. It's beautiful. And, our Dad loved panning for gold ;)

"Natures first green is gold...our favorite hue to hold...natures leaf a flower but only for an hour...then leaf subsides with leaf and Eden sank in grief...dawn goes down by day, nothing gold can stay."

I Love Shooting Stars

The world is full of shooting stars, and sometimes we lose ourselves in them, but once in a while a blazing comet, a shooting star, will come along and we are blessed with it's beauty. And though it is with us for only a short time, we admire it's twinkling strength as it boldly moves across the sky, brightening the darkest of nights. When this rare wonder passes us by, we can only count ourselves lucky to have shared it's short life and known how beautiful it truly was.--V. Starbard