Well, Dad. It has been seven years. I tried not to cry for you today. But, it happened. I was blessed by a lovely text from Tina. She said that she really hadn't been thinking about this being your anniversary, but she dreamt of you last night. How special! Then, she told me she was trying to remember your voice. And, she remembered how David and I had to go through your things. Honestly though, I needed to do that. I couldn't have done it without David so I know it was a Godsend that he was in my life at that time. It was hard, but it was also part of me trying to come to terms with reality... you were gone. You had nearly every picture, every card, and every letter that we had ever sent you. It was beautiful. I even found an old cassette tape that I had made for you from when I was in the fifth grade. That made me laugh and cry happy and sad tears. You sure loved us girls.
Not too long ago, Aunt Donna emailed and told me that she had visited a medium and she reminded us that you can hear our prayers. You hear when we talk to you. I believe that more and more. Sometimes, I forget that I can talk to you. But, I sure do talk about you. You will always be a part of my life. You gave me life. I try not to think about the bad. I know sometimes I was a pill... but, you just kept loving me in all of my glory ;)
Last year I asked you to keep watching over me and to help me protect my heart and give it to the right guy. I continue to ask that. Sometimes people say maybe I am waiting for a Mr. Perfect. I don't know that that is true. I am just willing to wait for someone who is willing to love me, be patient with me, and walk this journey with me-- hand in hand. I know that the time will come. You had a lot of struggles, but I can honestly say that as a father you were so very patient with me, you would do anything for me, and you loved me so much. So, I know it's possible to have all of these things. Thank you for showing me that this kind of man does exist... I know because I had it in my father. I have faith that you will help me find that in my life mate. In fact, you have given me some inspiration and New Year's Day will always be a special day for me... sure, maybe some tears, but there is much to be thankful for, to appreciate, and to celebrate. I will always celebrate your life.
Right now, this song is playing in my head: "Because He lives, I can face tomorrow. Because He lives, all fears are gone. He holds my future. And life is worth the living because He lives."
Love you, Dad.
Luv,
Little Little
